Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Guest Bloggers: The Bachelor: Molly & Jason's Wedding Recap a la Brittany & Jenn

Welcome to the beautiful [but practically always deserted] Terranea Resort in Rancho Palos Verdes.

The 2-hour special begins with Molly and Jason discussing how they "really took [their] time to get to know one another" in the whole year that they were dating (including reality television and a 10 month long distance relationship). Molly says it was a really smooth transition, despite all the horrible things the media and everyone else in America was saying about them. Brittany and I fully understand at this point that the beginning part of this show is to win America over so that we'll laugh and cry and fall in love with their wedding.

Speaking of smooth transitions, Jason explains, "I haven't lived with a woman since I was married. I forgot how much stuff people have." and cut to Molly adding more clothes to an already sagging closet rack, Molly and Jason arranging throw pillows on the bed, and Molly proving she’s made strides in Jason’s life by adding a ladylike touch – flowers in a vase instead of a pitcher.

Meanwhile, Chris Harrison is narrating what bad weather it is and everyone in the background is tarping the furniture. Brittany and I wonder why they haven’t tented the area yet or why they aren’t moving the ceremony inside. But no, this wedding will happen come rain or shine, says Chris.

Molly gives a nice little speech about her man, Jason, and how amazing he is and everything horrible they’ve endured. We almost do give in to liking him again until minute 16 of the show when Jason sheds his first but by no means his last tears of the show.

Chris says we’re gonna catch up with other Bachelor couples thinking about taking a trip down the aisle:

Jake & Vienna – they’re happy and goofing around together. Jake says things couldn’t be better and that “right now we’re just having so much fun lovin’ on each other.” Vienna’s hair looks much better, by the way.

Jillian & Ed – say their relationship is very stable. Jillian moved to Chicago and they got a new place and have started planning a wedding but have not set a date, which I can imagine means that they tell everyone they’re getting married and look at wedding stuff, but with no real date set it seems a little far off that they’re actually planning. (or hey, maybe they just don’t want to broadcast it to America – I’ll give them that.)

Charlie & Sarah – this lovable couple is from season 7. We learn that after dating for 2 years, they broke up for a year and then got back together. Brittany and I like them a lot. She’s cute and Charlie O’Connell is so congenial. This was the best segment of the whole show (minus the whole wedding thing):

Charlie: “We’re looking at houses, uh, thinking about movin’ in together.”
Sarah: “I don’t want to live together though, until we’re married.”
Charlie: (nods) “So…we’re lookin’ at houses.”
Sarah: “So whenever I have a ring, we’ll buy one.”
Charlie & Sarah: (smile)

Brittany and I were cracking up. So funny.

Trista & Ryan – Trista recaps us on the fairytale that is their life. They’ve got two kids, Ryan is a dreamboat and Trista looked better blond, without the bangs.

So, with Jason & Molly included that’s 5 successful Bachelor couples – not a great ratio.

Next it’s on to wedding planning. Brittany and I were wondering if they were going to talk at all about the engagement. I had to Google that they got engaged in November. Anyway, the couple heads to Neil Lane to pick out wedding bands. Ugh, so jealous. We meet their wedding coordinator, Jo Gartin, who takes them cake tasting and lays out invitations already prepared for them so they know what they’ll look like and just have to point to their choice. You know, like most brides get to do it. Their event designer sets up a crazy elaborate room full of trees and fresh flowers and Brittany and I sincerely hope someone is having a dinner party in there later or else it’s a total waste. Next, the couple heads to Macy’s to register for gifts.

Jason scans Molly’s face and Molly says “are you registering for me?” to which he cutely replies “yes, I’ll take one please.”

For their final piece of wedding planning (I say this quite loosely because we all know they didn’t plan a gosh darn thing), Molly and her sister and mother head to Monique Lhuillier to try on wedding gowns.

Now it’s back to Chris Harrison who reminds us again that this wedding is going to happen “rain or shine” – it’s the 10th time we’ve heard it and we’re going to stop keeping track. Really, where’s the tent at this point??

Moving on now to Vegas, where Molly & Jason are holding their bachelor and bachelorette parties on the same weekend. “This is actually a great break from all the wedding planning.” REALLY?? The whole two weeks of pointing to things you like that ABC has already agreed to pay for is really stressing you out, huh? Molly is not so sexy trying to learn how to strut her stuff seductively. Not attractive. Brittany and I are laughing out loud when in another suite in Vegas, one of Jason’s friends toasts to the groom: “Of all the women Jason has proposed to, I think Molly’s the best.” And hey, nice jacket, buddy. We don’t know which club the girls were at but Molly says it was “the best club in all of Vegas,” followed quickly by Jason boasting that they’re at The Bank, “the best club in Vegas.” You’re both special. Before commercial Molly and Jason meet in front of the Bellagio water show and dance. Awww..

And we’re back from commercial and it’s all falling trees and trellises but Chris is there to reassure us yet again that this wedding is on “rain or shine” in case you were beginning to doubt it. Then Chris Harrison’s umbrella gets sucked inside out by the wind and we laugh.

Next, Macy’s threw in a super cheesy, horrible and inauthentic plug for their new outfit putter together program. AWFUL! Plus, that outfit was not cute either.

At the rehearsal dinner Jason’s stepdad reminds the couple that without rain, there’s no rainbows. We think that’s sweet whilst we wonder who the friend/bridesmaid is that decided to show up in white. Seriously, how do people not get that? Molly’s hair looks grungy at the rehearsal like she went for messy cute and didn’t have time for cute. Jason seems like quite the attention whore because he keeps saying “I can’t wait for our day…I want to be standing up in front of everyone…with all eyes on us…” We get it. You’re getting married on TV. You like attention.

Back at the ceremony site, it’s now pouring. Wedding Planner = PISSED! Ken Paves and Mally Roncal, celebrity hair & makeup are there to do up Molly for her big day. Meanwhile Jason is talking to his dad about Ty, telling us that he and Ty’s mom have agreed not to show Ty on camera anymore. Then, somewhere else in the hotel the girls learn that the whole bridal party is getting an all-inclusive 7 day Caribbean vacation. Like they need more free stuff – seriously!?? Then, my heart stopped because I saw Molly’s most brilliant Manolo Blahnik shoes that are so to-die-for with cute little feather accents wrapped around the heel. I love them. Then all the bridesmaids get pairs too. I want to be her friend at this moment.

Molly gets her bouquet with a blue note from Jason and says “oh, that’s sweet” and comparatively when Jason receives the (truth be told not that great) note from Molly with his boutonniere, he’s all choked up and out come the tears again.

And the guests are now arriving. Trista & Ryan come say hello – her dress is stunning, her bangs are not. Paparazzo gets in trouble with security. Deanna is there with Michael’s (Breakdancer from Jillian’s season) twin brother, Stephen, her boyfriend whom she’s been dating for 6 months. Chris asks them about 5 times if they’re engaged. NO. Jillian and Ed look lovely and I want her dress! Some Stephanie chick is there too and I don’t remember her but Brittany catalogs every clip she’s ever appeared in – apparently she’s the Southern Belle with a kid and Jason flew her son up for their date similar to Jake with other Southern Belle Ella – anyway, she’s a hot mess. Long story short – I guess you can’t decide your guest list when ABC pays the bill.

And now… “one of the most anticipated weddings of all time” [according to Chris].

-Bridesmaids win points for walking quickly down the aisle but they should’ve asked for more hairspray.
-Jason Castro sings Over the Rainbow.
-Jason’s a mess already.
-Rainbow shines over the ocean. Not sure who ABC paid to make that happen.
-Molly’s dress is GORGEOUS! She looks very regal.
-Wow, that’s some serious wind. SERIOUS.
-Her celebrity hair stylist is pretty much rendered useless at this point.
-When the officiant says the “does anyone object” part people are seriously looking around waiting for Melissa to come popping out of somewhere. There was a lot of suspicious eye scanning going on.
-Kiptyn is pretty but dateless
-Doves released by moms
-Cut to Commercial – NO JOKE!
-Molly begins to say her vows to Jason and it starts to pour. Hurry up.
-Jason is happy the rain masks his tears.
-Jason’s hands are in his pockets and Molly clings to that bouquet. No hand holding is really bothering us.
-Couldn’t the officiant hold up an umbrella over them? Or how about giving the bridal party umbrellas to hold over themselves and the bride & groom? Isn’t this what wedding planners are for? Geesh.
-And, they’re married.
-Jason high fives people down the aisle. Super classy, there bud.

Reception is insanely gorgeous and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Gavin DeGraw came to play the piano and sing “Follow Through” for their first dance. It’s not quite a wedding song, but it sure is pretty.

The end.

What did you think?

Next week I’ll be back! 20/20 special -- Inside the Bachelor: Stories Behind the Rose

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